I was 16 years old when I got in a car accident. I was rear ended by a truck. I was sitting in a bench seat so on impact my body was thrown back and my back bent over the bench seat. My head hit something hard then whipped forward. I had been smoking marijuana for several years before the accident. These two factors, (trauma and drug use) plus my family’s genetics, could all have been factors leading to a brain imbalance.
I had visions of how to make space ships out of genetically modified jellyfish and crystals. I also had visions of how to make a replicator for food and plant cells. I had vision of how to invent water filters to filter parasites out of the water, mainly to give to people in other countries who are dyeing from parasites in the water.
I thought I had invented several things already. I thought people from the States stole my ideas when I was six years old. I thought they were paying my grandpa off for my inventions. I thought he was a millionaire from my inventions.
I thought the American’s never set foot on the moon because there is a radiation belt around the moon that would kill any living thing except maybe cockroaches. I thought it was just a big conspiracy with the American government and Hollywood. I thought they just made it all up so they could say they got to the moon first.
When I told my mom all of this, she said we better see the doctor. When I told the doctor about all the visions I was having, he told me I have something called psychosis. The doctor prescribed a drug called Risperidal. I thought everyone else thought I was crazy. I didn’t want to take the medication. I thought I was just fine without it.
I felt suicidal because what’s the point of living if everyone thinks you’re crazy, at least I thought everyone thought I was crazy. I thought of ways to kill myself. For example; I thought of falling on a knife to make it look like an accident so my mom would get insurance. I felt angry. I felt frustrated. I felt sad. I almost cried a couple of times too. I felt very angry with everyone because I thought that they thought I was crazy. That’s why I thought of killing myself all the time.
I felt like I was “possessed” or something. It’s like there was a voice inside my head telling me to kill myself. It would happen all the time. Whenever I was alone the voice would say “what’s the point in living, Garnet?” I felt agitated. Did I mention suicidal?
I felt frustrated because I’m seventeen and I’ve never had a girl friend. Every time I get to know a girl well enough to ask her out on a date my parents would want to move away to some other city. It has been happening my whole life. I’m sure any seventeen-year-old male would be very frustrated if that happened to them every couple of years or less.
I also had a to change schools every two years or less so I have failed grade nine two times. I found it too hard to go on with school so I dropped out for half a year. Then my mom found a “special” school for me to go to. So I started going there. I liked it at first, but then I started getting kicked out because I wasn’t following the rules. Then I started to get to know the youth at the school. They started to invite me to smoke a joint during lunchtime. Then we smelled like pot when we went back to school. The teachers started to realize that we smelled of pot. They said nothing until it happened several times, then they made us do school work instead of going on field trips. I got really mad and dropped out of that school too.
Before I dropped out, they got me to start going to an EPI group. It really helped me because I got to meet other people that are in the same boast as me. It really helped me through a rough time. The group educated me about drugs and what they do to you when you take them. It also educated me about psychosis. We all shared our experience with psychosis. We had dinner every Wednesday with the group. We did some relaxation exercises. That really helped a lot. A lady came to the group and shared her experience with psychosis. She was 19 years old at the time and had recovered from psychosis. She just wanted us to know that we aren’t alone in the world and that psychosis will pass with the help of the medication of course. Then a lady that was well educated about drugs came to talk to us. She told us about drugs and how they affect us. So I asked her if marijuana has the same affect on your body if you make tea out of it and she said a drug is a drug is a drug. It’s still bad for you no matter how you do it. She explained how when the drug gets in your system it attaches itself to all of the fat cells I can find and guess what… your brain is mostly fat cells. So when you do drugs the drug sticks to your brain and that is how you get high. It blocks the neurotransmitters in your brain from working properly. So think of that before you do drugs. That’s one of the reasons why I quit smoking marijuana. The EPI group helped me realize that psychosis is only temporary if you treat it soon enough.
I have been on the medication for six months now and I am on the road to recovery.
January 23, 2003