Pendragon’s Story

In my opinion psychosis sucks! Sometimes I even dress myself in bags in subconcious fear of my disability taking control.

Right now it’s hard getting through the day to day events that roll through my head. Like the “voices” that tell me to end my life. Even ones that tell me I’m no good, are getting worse. I still control them and continue taking my meds. It does get a little better with every new thing I accomplish. Going day to day is how I survive.

I currently found a new way of helping the voices and my nicotine cravings. It all started when I started going to school. The secret to my new success is concentration. Even telling the voices to shut up doesn’t work. So I decided to ignore the majority of them. Now that I went back to school, it’s even easier. Now that I have a reason to go back the work is becoming more of a challenge and more easier at the same time. It’s easier because I need to concentrate and harder because I’m trying to quit smoking at the same time.

I hear things in sound. It’s hard to describe but whatever is on my mind, the sounds sound like words to try to prove it right or wrong. I even see things that aren’t there. Like blotches, people, lights, and even ghosts. Now people would call me crazy but my personal belief is that what I see and hear is lost spirits and it makes me sad I can’t help them. Sometimes I just want to break down and cry.

I don’t like change. Change scares me. I’ve never figured out why. I guess it’s ’cause it brings about new energy. If you don’t believe in energy it’s alright. It’s just something that I believe helps me get along with less struggle!